- While the stock market was plunging, and the credit market was freezing up completely - which must be good things on Earth-3, a.k.a. opposite world - Senator McCain was reminding us that “even at this late hour in the campaign, there are essential things we don’t know about Senator Obama or the record that he brings to this campaign.’’ Hmm, that sounds to me like a veiled reference to the multiple-times discounted internet smear campaign that Obama is a secret Muslim (and I'm not referring to a Muslim veil - John McCain don't play that). Am I reading too much into that comment? I don't think so, what with Sarah Palin, doggone it, just doin' her part to remind us patriotic American folks of this great country that Barack Obama "sees America it seems as being so imperfect that he’s palling around with terrorists who would target their own country?” Now this is just the type of campaigning that John McCain would have you believe a man of his stature would never stoop too, because he has too much personal integrity. And certainly after the brutal South Carolina Republican primary of 2000, which ended McCain's first presidential bid, and in which McCain himself was subject to savage smearing of his character by Karl Rove, you would think he would just disavow negative campaigning, and that he would never hire anyone like Steve Schmidt, a Rove protege, to run his campaign. But maybe JOHN MCCAIN HAS BEEN REPLACED BY HIS FAR LESS SCRUPULOUS COUNTERPART FROM AN ALTERNATE EARTH! Yeah, that must be it. (Or maybe this isn't John McCain at all - maybe he's been replaced by a shape-shifting Skrull, and this is just setting the stage for a "secret invasion!")
- From The Caucus entry: Mr. McCain decried what he called Mr. Obama’s “touchiness every time he is questioned about his record.’’ Right. Because John McCain isn't touchy about anyone questioning his record or his much-ballyhooed integrity and maverickiness. Here's some more: “For a guy who’s already authored two memoirs, he’s not exactly an open book,’’ Mr. McCain said. “It’s as if somehow the usual rules don’t apply, and where other candidates have to explain themselves and their records, Senator Obama seems to think he is above all that. Whatever the question, whatever the issue, there’s always a back story with Senator Obama. All people want to know is: What has this man ever actually accomplished in government? What does he plan for America? In short: Who is the real Barack Obama? But, my friends, you ask such questions and all you get in response is another angry barrage of angry insults.’’ Huh. Angry barrage of angry insults. This coming from the man who got all snarky with the editorial board of the Des Moines Register, and has a famously bad temper. I guess the Earth-3 Obama that McCain knows from his home planet is really hot under the collar, as opposed to the cool customer we've seen over the last two years, and especially over the last two or three weeks as the economy has gone into the crapper. That must be who McCain is talking about. I don't know. I feel like I know Obama just fine, and I think he's done an admirable job of explaining his positions and his personal history, as well as detailing what he plans for America. Unless he plans to... DESTROY AMERICA! Yeah, if he's planning that, I bet he's keeping it to himself.
- More from The Caucus (thanks, Caucus!): “Senator Obama has accused me of opposing regulation to avert this crisis,’’ he said. “I guess he believes if a lie is big enough and repeated often enough it will be believed.’’ I'm not really sure where to start with this, but I guess I'll begin here: Senator Obama has accused Senator McCain of opposing regulation, mostly because John McCain has a long record of opposing regulation, and would deregulate the health care system if he could. But the whopper is this: "I guess if he believes a lie is big enough and repeated often enough it will be believed." Senator McCain might as well be talking about his own campaign, as evidenced here in the Washington Post, and debunked pretty much every day here on FactCheck.org (where they do a good job debunking Obama campaign distortions as well - everybody's doin' it!). But perhaps on Earth-3, John McCain is still the honest guy he believes himself to be.
- One more hit from The Caucus: “Today the Dow has fallen below 10,000,’’ he said. “And yet, members of his own party said they felt no pressure to vote for the bill. Why didn’t Senator Obama work to pass this bill from the start? Why did he let it fail and drag out this crisis for a full week before doing a thing to help pass it?’’ Okay, maybe on Earth-3, the Democrats didn't vote for the bailout bill from the start, but here on Earth-Prime, they did, and it's your party, Senator McCain, that didn't have the leadership necessary to get your fellow Republicans to vote for it - at least not until the second round when the bill was made more expensive with...pork! Like tax cuts!
- And now, the final piece of evidence that John McCain is from an alternate-Earth: he thinks people are ready to talk about things other than the economy, and that it's a good idea to get really negative about your opponent while people are freaking out about their nest eggs and the plummeting value of their homes. Because people don't need to know how you'd handle these problems, they just need to know that Obama might be some kind of shady, America-hating character, who might be out to destroy us. Thanks, John McCain, I feel better now!
-EB
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