Dark Superman & Friends

Towards the end of August, the comics world was set ablaze with talk that Warner Brothers would once again reboot the Superman movie franchise, but, presumably owing to the phenomenal success of the latest Batman movie, Superman would be going dark. Now, I'm not making a value judgement here, but if the key to financial success is exploring the dark side of characters known for their sunny dispositions, maybe it's worth a try. With that in mind, I've come up with a few "dark" reboots of some traditionally kid-friendly properties:

Clifford, the Big Red Dog: Emily-Elizabeth's teen years are hard on Clifford; she has a boyfriend and isn't paying attention to the big red dog in the manner to which he has become accustomed. Clifford begins to act out against those around him, and his sense of right and wrong leads him to occasionally stomp on or eat those residents of Birdwell Island - dog and human alike - that violate "Clifford's Law." When Clifford pops Emily-Elizabeth's boyfriend's head in his teeth like a grape, it's time for action - but will Emily-Elizabeth have what it takes to put Clifford down?

Bob The Builder: After attending a rave thrown by Wendy’s party hearty sister Jenny, Scoop develops a substance abuse problem and crushes Bob's leg in a drug-induced rage. When the unrequited love of his life, Wendy, begins a torrid affair with Farmer Pickles, Bob tumbles down the rabbit hole of pain-killer addiction. Scarecrow Spud appears to have self-immolated while freebasing behind the barn, leaving behind only his charred turnip nose - but was his death just another in a string of drug-related accidents, or foul play? All of the evidence points to Travis the Tractor, but he’s not talking…

Thomas & Friends: For years, the good people of the Isle of Sodor have lived under the iron rule of Sir Topham Hatt and the unpredictable whims of his sentient trains. But now revolution has come to the island! Will kind-hearted Thomas, ridiculed for his fondness of the “talking meat creatures” help the resistance, or will he fully embrace his mechanical nature and become a blunt instrument of locomotive death, his bright blue paint stained human blood red?

Sesame Street: Economic hard times have pushed out the friendly citizens of Sesame Street. Now Oscar runs a crystal meth lab; Hooper's has become a strip club; and former best friends Telly and Baby Bear lead rival gangs looking to take control of the street...until Elmo comes back. Elmo's all grown-up. Elmo's got a two-by-four. And Elmo knows how to use it. It's time to take back the street... the Sesame Street.

Superfriends: B-list supervillain The Gentelman Ghost gets into the Hall of Justice after hours, violates Superfriend sidekicks Wendy and Marvin, and guts Wonder Dog. The Superfriends return just after the horrible incident, capture The Gentleman Ghost, and decide to wipe his mind - but Batman catches them in the act, and the Superfriends decide to wipe his mind, too! Years later, Wendy and Marvin are murdered, and in the investigation, the unethical actions of the Superfriends are revealed to Batman and the supervillain community, leading to attacks of escalating brutality between the heroes and villains, and causing Batman to spiral downard into paranoia. It's dark, it's brutal - no Superfriend will be unsullied, especially Apache Chief, Samurai, and Black Vulcan...you'll never again look at a token minority characters the same way. Based on the hit DC maxi-series Identity Crisis!

There you go - five surefire hits in the dark vein of "The Dark Knight." Because dark is what the kids want.